I never intended this newsletter to come across as a pompous, preachy, know-it-all diatribe of how one should live.
Instead, I take after two of the best writers and personalities on the internet; Chris Williamson’s learning-out-loud motto; and Dan Koe’s advice to write about your problems, solve them, and then share them to help others.
A lot of what I picked up, I stole from others, but I did try to add a new perspective every once in a blue moon. So, there’s that.
Other things, I learned the hard way myself. The main point is that I’m learning as I go along, the same as everyone else.
I once swore I wouldn’t write self-help-styled articles, thinking them bland, mundane, and cringy. But, I’ve found there’s not much else to write aside from going full-blown Hemingway and writing fiction and dialogue — which I especially struggle with.
Anyway, here are the top lessons I’ve found in twenty-three.
Writing is blue-collared work.
This is the ultimate writing lesson I learned this year. Sitting around and waiting for inspiration is something that prevented me from starting sooner.
Even with this very article, I didn’t know how it was going to look until I started. Ten minutes in, I’m in flow.
This is transferrable to all areas of life. If unsure where, what, or how to begin, just do something.
Things will inevitably start to happen.
2. Neuroplasticity is a game changer.
This leads me to another benefit I’ve learned this year about action.
When faced with a challenge, especially a difficult one, David Goggins will jump at the opportunity, leaving little time to think about it.
Huberman believes that Goggins has cracked a key part of the neuroplasticity process.
Behavior first, thoughts, feelings and perceptions follow. Thought’s are complicated so he (Goggins) goes directly to action — Andrew Huberman
Knowing that you can change how your brain is wired, is one of the most empowering things I’ve learned.
You’re not stuck with your past traumas and resulting behaviours.
However, it takes time to change as these are deeply rooted. Continue to chisel away at them in 2024, and you’re inner life will soon be incomparable.
3. Follow your interests and curiosities
Aside from relationships, nothing else matters when it comes to purpose.
And nothing else sums it up quite like this gem of a lyric for you to ask yourself:
Did you exchange a walk-on part in the war for a lead role in a cage? — Pink Floyd
4. There are things that you can only do right now.
This is tough to remember, but useful to keep at the back of your mind.
Bill Perkins has made a name for himself from the idea that you should spend all your money before you die. What he says is that you should spend it while you can still live and move.
There are things that you can only do right now. You can ski at twenty-five, but probably not at eighty-five.
So, make sure you’ve enough to get by at 80, but how much will you really need then?
5. If there’s one thing I believe in, it’s agency.
This is the lesson to top all others.
The idea that you’re in control of your life is the most powerful way to ward of mental illness and develop a sense of purpose.
I hate getting up before six to work a long day shift without any room for engaging in anything else in the day. But what makes it manageable is knowing that I chose to do it. I chose it for the experience.
Gad Saad calls it the ‘internal locus of control’. An empowering mindset that allows you to turn negative situations into positive ones.
I hate the line ‘everything happens for a reason’. It robs us of any agency to control our life’s direction. This is an example of an external locus of control.
Jordan Peterson says that God is the highest possible ideal. Well, the highest ideal is surely being at the wheel, in control of your life. That’s the adventure, and that’s the God I’ll worship.
6. You must be the master of your own kingdom.
As someone who writes, this is extremely useful to know when crafting stories or narratives. However, it ties back into agentic control, which everyone needs to acquire.
I always believed that writing and living are inseparable.
The ‘Hero’s Journey’ is the essence of all narrative — Guy Ritchie
The thing about this narrative is the acknowledgment that hard, difficult, and even seemingly insurmountable challenges are inevitable along the way.
Recognise that this is your hero’s journey. And question, if not having this difficulty, would make your life more or less meaningful. I bet it would be the latter.
Remember, ‘Your weirdness is your competitive advantage’. Only you alone can take on your hero’s journey.
7. You must choose your regrets.
This quote by Christopher Hitchens is the best one I’ve heard this year.
Jimmy Carr says it is a better way of saying that you can have whatever you want but you can’t have everything. It’s better in two ways.
It latches onto our ingrained negativity bias and highlights that regrets and suffering are inevitable. In an empowering way, there’s agency in having or perceiving to have the ability to choose.
In speaking of regrets, it touches on something everyone seeks to avoid, but few realise is unavoidable.
I learned this lesson harshly.
In my early twenties, I often optimised for decisions that I thought would help me escape regret in later life.
This was, in hindsight, an ill-advised attempt by me to do everything, to experience everything. Especially when it comes to relationships.
More gratitude was in order.
What this quote teaches us, is that you’d be far better off thinking about what regrets you can live with, as opposed to trying to avoid them altogether.
However.
You can explain something until the cows come home to those coming up after you, about whether a path is right or wrong. But, 9 times out of 10, people will still have to experience it for themselves.
And that is the paradox of trying to choose your regrets, a very difficult thing to do. Perhaps reframing how you think of something is the closest we can come.
8. Deeper conversations and connections are a necessity, not a luxury.
The new United States Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy, has become synonymous with his campaign against loneliness. Highlighting an extreme mental health stigma hidden in plain sight.
Nobody will admit to being lonely.
But when you see what studies have come up with, you know it’s very real.
Research has shown that loneliness is as bad for people’s health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
Lack of social connections increases the odds of death by at least 50%
Indeed, this year also produced the results from Robert Waldinger’s 85-year Harvard study on happiness. The number one predictor of happiness was found to be social fitness.
So, whether introverted or extroverted, find your people.
9. Pay your invoices immediately. Rewrite below better.
This is all about speed.
This is crucial and I need to adapt it more in ‘24.
It means failing faster, this means choosing, deciding, and committing to things faster.
This inevitably means growing faster.
This means listening to your gut instinct and acting on it quicker.
You should pay your invoices immediately. This goes beyond financial transactions, where you pay someone you owe as soon as possible.
But it’s about making decisions you know are inevitable and acting on them as soon as you can. A lot of my decisions that I instinctively know are coming, I mull over and delay for days, weeks, months, even years.
Acting immediately, or at least much sooner, would ease unnecessary pain and suffering.
Taking your time to figure something out isn’t a bad thing, but what I’m writing about is ignoring your gut instinct. When you know, you know.
People often can’t explain this instinct. I have learned, that it is at least in part, fuelled by past experiences and knowledge. Thus, spending too long rationalising something you already know the answer to doesn’t strike me as a good use of time.
This, above all, is about ensuring you spend your time living authentically. Because knowing and not doing is not living authentically. A cognitive dissonance that pains.